Jeff Kirkner was a husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, and lieutenant firefighter/paramedic who worked for the City of Eastlake for 20 years.

His desire and dedication to helping others was displayed in every aspect of his professional life as well as his personal life. He represented the Eastlake Fire Department in many other leadership roles, such as Community Educator; helping high-school students to understand the impact of driving while under the influence, through the fire department’s role in “Prom Promise.” He helped pre-school children understand basic fire safety by hosting the fire department’s Smoke Education Trailer. He taught CPR to coaches, teachers, and other civilians to help ensure the safety of our community. He was an enthusiastic smoking-cessation counselor, providing guidance to those courageous enough to end their battle with tobacco addiction, and formerly a Licensed Social Worker, protecting the at-risk children of Trumbull County in his early, post-college years.

It is powerful to see how much of a difference he made in people’s lives and how much he really touched all of them. Jeff’s devotion to people and passion for caring was evident in every action of his daily life.

After a 2018 diagnosis, and difficult recovery of unknown-source meningitis, life changed for Jeff.

Unknown to everyone, including himself, he was struggling with what we later understood to be new-onset debilitating anxiety, confusion, and indecisiveness; he was unable to work-out why his brilliant mind was, as he must have seen it, letting him down; leading to depression.

It is believed the meningitis triggered a rare condition called auto-immune encephalitis, but formal diagnosis would have required a significant delay in treatment. Ultimately, we decided to begin daily infusions to treat the symptoms immediately upon his neurologist's suggestion that this could be responsible for the sudden changes in Jeff’s mental health, and that early treatment of symptoms typically results in better outcomes.

In addition to the infusions, Jeff treated his symptoms with anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications for months before establishing the regimen that finally managed his symptoms and made him feel “normal.” Jeff participated in talk-therapy to try to identify if there were underlying life and career experiences that made the mental health symptoms so debilitating and challenging to knock-down. Was this a side effect of meningitis/encephalitis or were there underlying causes that even Jeff could not understand?

With Jeff’s determination to get well, we were blessed to enjoy two additional healthy years. His fervent desire to wean himself off medication, supported by his medical team, took place while the pandemic changed every aspect of life as we knew it. “Virtual” doctor and mental health visits replaced his “in-person” mental health routine.

Within six months of being medication free, in early 2021, Jeff secretly began to struggle while studying and preparing for his battalion chief promotional exam. He concealed his decline for two-months before it could no longer be hidden in his daily routines. The anxiety and depression returned quickly and although his doctors immediately began treating the symptoms, Jeff struggled to wait for relief.

Jeff committed suicide on April 4, 2021, leaving behind his wife and parent-in-laws of 15 years, five siblings & spouses, many nieces and nephews, his firehouse family, and endless friendships.

Jeff, known for his quick wit, his silliness, and his ability to always raise a smile, was no doubt incredibly afraid he would not return to his baseline. In private, the final weeks of his life had been consumed by anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia, with no concrete explanation as to why all of this was returning.

The one thing that having a diagnosis gives you, which is more valuable than anything else, is an understanding that what is happening to you is not your fault. That is the real tragedy of Jeff’s life. He did not get to know that this was not his fault. We’ve all learned through knowing Jeff that he was resilient. He was someone who, whether it was with tragedies that happened in his personal life or in his professional life, always found a way to rise to the occasion and be better, work harder and get through it so he could be present for all of us.

Jeff deserved better. As a human who gave so much to all, the real tragedy is that, when he passed, he did not have an answer to what happened to him. He never got to know what this was.

It no longer feels loyal to be silent about it, but maybe more loyal to share, without shame, without secrecy, that yes, Jeff was hurting, and he was going through something that he did not understand how to improve.

Because, whether you knew Jeff as a classmate, paramedic firefighter, social worker, smoking cessation counselor, Notre Dame Fan, or for a lucky few, simply, Jeff Kirkner – he was someone who brought joy to hundreds. And no doubt helped us all smile a little bit brighter.

Those affected by Jeff’s struggle are on a mission to help other first responders bring awareness to mental health disease, removing the stigma associated with diagnosing mental health and to help first responders to gain access to competent and reliable mental health resources and services.

Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255 or simply dial 988.